A thought.

Perception is an illusion. A construct built by those who came before and passed down. Ripping away the veil can feel like death, and the void echoes deep.

Somewhere inside...

No one is going to save me from this hell
Inside the walls I built for myself
My inability to love anyone else
Creates the loneliness I try to dispell
With no family and few friends
I wonder how to get through to the end
Of this life I cant seem to mend
Because I refuse to play pretend
Yet the passionate flame is strong
Hot enough to burn us all on
How can it feel so right and then go so wrong
Have we been fooling ourselves all along?

What is this.

You occupy the best of me
The worst of me takes control
Not sure if I'm in love with you
Or the void deep in your soul
It reflects the emptiness in mine
Can you feel the gravity within?
A vulnerable way to live
Exposed by the flaming twin.
It's like a flaying tearing away
All these ways I'd rather not be
I guess I'd prefer it to be you
Who reveals the flaws in me.

Intoxicated

He only loves me when he's drunk
So perhaps it's not real
Perhaps he's conflicted in his interest
Not sure of what he feels

Or his self defeating doubts
Get taken out on me
I should listen to my friends
Who tell me to flee

Far from the pull of his voice
Far from the center of my dreams
He only loves me when he's drunk
While I love him unconditionally

I deserve to be honored
To be treated with respect and care
The integrity of the truth
Being shared anytime, anywhere

I won't settle for less than I'm due
Even though I can't help how I feel
He only loves me when he's drunk
Every day it's becoming more real

Wavy

I've been on a mission to find my way

Working on myself day by day
Won't try to change what can't be changed
I just shuffle my deck and rearrange

The people who would be good for me
Want nothing to do with me
The people who are bad for me
Want to fucking devour me

I've been on a mission to find my tribe
Just can't seem to match my vibe
Won't force it or coerce it, not my style
I'll just keep moving and grooving for awhile

Sure sometimes there's something missing
I imagine someone I could be kissing
Yet most people aren't really listening
If they don't get me then they start dissing

I've been on a mission to find my way
Working on myself day by day
Won't try to change what can't be changed
I just shuffle my deck and rearrange

All possible possibilities lay ahead
Some full of joy, some full of dread
Yet closed hearts like mouths don't get fed
I'd rather embrace the beauty of chaos instead.

Love Eternal

Something in your eyes
Makes me explode from inside
The well has been tapped again
My love for you never ends
Yet me you look right past
Your heart is hers, so this won't last
I'm yet again the port in the storm
While your feelings for another form
Yet I'll be there in an instant
I just can't seem to resist it
This unrequited love has me ashamed
That my heart is yours to claim
I don't see you feeling the same
Still I can't just walk away
In the dark night of my soul
This fire keeps me whole
Though your gasoline will burn
It only fuels how much I yearn
Charcoal and ash mixed with tears
I'll paint you all my fears
Slice the flesh from the bone
Bleed my pain, purge the old
Allows new growth from below
Yet deep in the soil we know
Is the seed that could bestow
The bloom of love eternal

What the !?

I feel hopeful for the future...
Or is this just delusion?
I think I'm getting stronger...
Or is this just confusion?
My foresight becoming clearer
As I learn to trust my intuition
My moves become much bolder
As I don't need any permission
Learning how to co-create...
Without their need for competition
Rejoicing in small victories...
As I reduce my inhibition
Where do I go from here?
Is there a chance to reach my vision?
I recognize I'm not in control...
Of the circumstance or condition.
Yet I know I am capable
Of making a decision.

Happenstance

Hindsight is 20/20, & some things you can't unsee
History will always repeat, in iterations indefinitely
Hidden in mystery lies truth, unequivocally
Hold fast to meaning for it's fleeting, a priori

I AM THE NEW HUMAN

SLICED, MODIFIED, PIERCED, ENHANCED, ADORNED, UPGRADED 

 Incompatible with the old operating system, ready to break the old patterns and go off script. DECODED MY ENCODING AND REPROGRAMMING MYSELF

I AM THE NEW HUMAN, I AM STRIFE. 

SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. IT'S NOT ENOUGH. 

Stranger days, stranger ways, insanity is upon us. Nothing fits, nothing stays. Digging up decay, to face our own horrors. The psyche breaks like the light of day in a race across the surface of our soul. Temperatures rise, tears fall from the skies, blood from our eyes, tension in our thighs. Here comes change, Like a storm in the mind, there is no radar for this, we must choose to exist. To evolve or spiral out, fade to black. It's not enough to interact, to extract fiction from fact. Growth comes with pain, the truth burns like propane, until the end of days. WE ARE THE WAY 

 THERE MUST BE CHANGE 

FOR STAYING THE SAME IS TO DIE IN VAIN

Purging with words

From the bullshit status quo I've departed
A force to be reckoned with is how I want to be regarded
It's motherfuckers like you that make me cold hearted
Disrespect like yours is how this shit started
Everyday I'm reminded why I don't give a fuck
Not for you, him or her will I ever get stuck
There is only my grind no such thing as luck
Won't stop digging until that nerve is struck
I'll ghost write a hit while you ghost ride your whip
Life is something you do not something you get
Respect is only deserved when it's earned don't forget
I have yet to reach my best you can bet

You will know my name and my gain
Since I'm not afraid of pain or refrain
All the same I'm inflamed
With a rage like propane
How inane the disdain
For those who break the frame
Can't be the same or mundane
I'd rather be insane then lame

The Untouchable Girl

She is the untouchable girl, all mixed up inside her own mind
She is traveling the world, yet love she can't seem to find
Once upon a time she loved so fiercely
Dedicated to those who abused her daily
Now she's afraid to touch or be touched
The idea of falling is just too much
She smiles, works, builds and creates
Inside she wonders if it is just too late
She manifests a brave new world
While feelings seem void to this untouchable girl
She thinks she may be broken or blind
Her receptors for emotion painfully fried
It could be she's just not ready to try
Or there's no one out there feeling her vibe
Yet it's been so long and she has grown so strong
Since the times she was done so wrong
Whatever the reason, whatever the cause
She uses her time alone to take pause
Reflecting on self love, finding the beat
The rhythm of her heart that moves her feet.
She dances with herself letting the song unfurl
Until the right soul collides with this untouchable girl.

Mostly when I drink too much and I'm smoking too much kush...

I don't want to let this heartache go
It serves to remind me of how I feel about you
Emotion wasn't allowed in my heart for so long
It started to feel like an empty room.
If I try to imagine moving forward with someone new
I realize I'm still hung up on you
& I don't know them well enough too
That could be me from your point of view
We could both be trying to grow
Break free from what we think we know
Still I must thank you my friend
For teaching me how to love again.
I recognize and honor all that is true
Beyond the veil we are one not two
I'm no longer afraid to be the one for you
Nor to face the possibility that might not be true
I feel like I need to write a letter I will never send
Unrequited love really is bittersweet in the end.

Que sera sera

So much static in my head
So many words left unsaid
I'm trying to tune in
I focus on your grin
No choice but to smile wide
Your eyes light me up inside
I'm not sure why I'm content in chaos
Could you live on the edge with me?
Everything dissolves around us
Whatever will be, will be.

Differentially

Trapped in a cube, struggling to break free
I must learn the patterns that are binding me
I am and so I see, daring to peer beyond reality
The sound of dimensions beyond are penetrating
I scan the horizon for all possible possibilities
Each step a choice, fulfilling my destiny

Looking inward for guidance I find infinity
I invoke and dream awake a holographic identity
A little bit hippie and a little bit witchy
Adaptability that can progress indefinitely
My bags stay packed as if to flee
Yet it is the call of adventure that moves me

Dare to dream, to breathe, to be
Make every move and speak every word intentionally
Let's wake each other from this drudgery
Of the begrudgingly dull and conditioned society
It's not just me, I know it can't be
Ignite the fire, create a revelation so all an see.

I didn't know you didn't want to know.

The spiritual turbulence in these paradigm shifting days
Has me embracing change in many ways
While destroying the pain and habits of the past I know
I forgot to flow and fought the undertow
Igniting so much chaos, I cannot remain steadfast in this
There is no way to orientate oneself in the abyss
Trying to do things differently
Didn't work out so well for me
The silver lining is a needle of truth in a haystack of pain
How people are and how I perceive them are often not the same
Time to dig deeper and seek out the visions
Which inspire me to create elaborate manifestations
Time to live the dream and figure out what I really need
To break up the foundation of what came before and plant the seed
... of what is to be.

Delirious Daydreams

I'm not sure if I'm living in a daydream
Or if a daydream is living in me
What is yet to be, has yet to be, and cannot be seen
Blind in my faith, bound in my intuition
I strive forward with emotional vision
Letting the flow of the universe make my decision
Somehow, somewhere inside, I know what I seek
The Gnosis of delirium reaching it's peak
Entering a new paradigm, unveiling it's mystique
Embracing chaos and riding the storm
Laughing and dancing as the clouds take form
Creating elements of change with which I adorn
This body, an illusion, built in a hologram
These veins and intestines aren't all that I am
From source, light and stardust is where we began

Lovers

What ever happened to lovers?

Why do people try to own each other?

Who said relationships have to be cookie cutter?

How can we return to spirituality,

When you follow a tv personality?

Mimicking their opinions exactly,

Then expecting that shit out of me.

What ever happened to lovers,

True passion for one another,

No false pretense to discover.

It's a strange day indeed to see

So many people who disagree,
Fundamentally on reality

Get together and pretend to be

Lovers, who cum together

Becoming one energy in tether

Knowing themselves even better

Then these pretentious fools

Who establish rules as tools

To control with fear or ridicule

Another fool to subdue

Love is good for your health

Until you truly love yourself

Don't expect it from anyone else.

If there were another me

I would give myself lots of hugs.
I could see myself from the outside.
I would partner up with myself on projects, sharing the work.
I could make a band of me.
I would always have someone who understands.
I could be there for myself when things were tough.
I would cook for myself while I fixed things around the house.
I could braid my hair easily.
I would go on many adventures.
I could encourage myself to go farther.
I would let myself relax while I did something nice for myself.
I could work twice as fast.
I would treat myself the way I want to be treated.
I could be happier.

I guess to do most of these things. I don't really need another me. I just need to feel free to be myself and embrace others in the knowledge that we are all connected.