An Excerpt...

...from my personal journal...

It's been a week since I wrote to myself.  Probably a little too long.  A meditation by water keeps me centered and strong. I gaze at the Columbia, wondering if my urges are wrong.  I keep rhyming like I'm writing a song.  The depth, the hole, the emptiness in my soul.. absence is presence, readiness for essence.  The void is there to fill, to be still is to be ready. 
Silencing the mind is difficult.  There is always a thought, even when I seek to observe what is before me I put words to it.  Not focusing on specifics, taking in the whole picture, that is the goal and breathing helps.  Paying attention to the flow of the breath. Yet before I dive in again I want to pose a question to the universe.  What question is most important right now?  How about... How can I bring my soul into my art?

Find your heart and your happiness.... 

Well... my heart is inside me, literally and figuratively. From what I've come to understand about happiness it also emanates from within.  It is born out of contentment and acceptance of things as they are.  Today's meditation has been all about accepting myself. Accepting where I am in life.  Accepting that events will unfold however they do.  There is no need for control.  The interplay of chaos and order is the essence of life.  I can actively engage, passively watch or fluctuate between the two.  Right now I think engaging will be good.   Engaging in art, engaging in thought.   Just have to remember to take enough breaks, pause and reflect when the time is right.  It's the dance of life yeah? Finding the rhythm of push and pull, of engaging and releasing.  I'm not interested in forcing, I'd like to flow.   Destruction over stagnation, but the real goal is re-creation.

Wavy

I've been on a mission to find my way

Working on myself day by day
Won't try to change what can't be changed
I just shuffle my deck and rearrange

The people who would be good for me
Want nothing to do with me
The people who are bad for me
Want to fucking devour me

I've been on a mission to find my tribe
Just can't seem to match my vibe
Won't force it or coerce it, not my style
I'll just keep moving and grooving for awhile

Sure sometimes there's something missing
I imagine someone I could be kissing
Yet most people aren't really listening
If they don't get me then they start dissing

I've been on a mission to find my way
Working on myself day by day
Won't try to change what can't be changed
I just shuffle my deck and rearrange

All possible possibilities lay ahead
Some full of joy, some full of dread
Yet closed hearts like mouths don't get fed
I'd rather embrace the beauty of chaos instead.

Love Eternal

Something in your eyes
Makes me explode from inside
The well has been tapped again
My love for you never ends
Yet me you look right past
Your heart is hers, so this won't last
I'm yet again the port in the storm
While your feelings for another form
Yet I'll be there in an instant
I just can't seem to resist it
This unrequited love has me ashamed
That my heart is yours to claim
I don't see you feeling the same
Still I can't just walk away
In the dark night of my soul
This fire keeps me whole
Though your gasoline will burn
It only fuels how much I yearn
Charcoal and ash mixed with tears
I'll paint you all my fears
Slice the flesh from the bone
Bleed my pain, purge the old
Allows new growth from below
Yet deep in the soil we know
Is the seed that could bestow
The bloom of love eternal