Dream of loss

Last night I dreamed all my things were stolen out of my car. My car contains my entire life. Everything that isn't my personal being. I was devestated, it would take years to replace all those things, so much time and work. Life without it all so empty and difficult. I felt stripped of my being.
In reflecting on this dream I realized it was my mind working through the loss of my best friend. The one person I always want to share my joys and sorrows with, even when we were out of touch. I was once attached to them romantically and the loss of them in my life forced me to work on myself, on the PTSD I suffered from. To become a practitioner of process, to accept the possibility of a life alone, to seek enlightenment and inner peace. It took me years to find stability and when they came back in my life I wanted it to just be friends, to have no reason for them to shut me out again.
Yet the gravity between us didn't make it easy and they decided to do just that.  I wonder what I could have done differently. Just as in my dream I wondered if I should have parked elsewhere or if I forgot to lock the door.  In both the dream and now in waking life I have to accept the loss, accept the lesson to be more present and aware in the future. There is no replacing what's lost but in time I can fill my life again, because no matter what or who is no longer there for me, I'm still here, I'm still breathing, I can still seek the joys of learning, gaining experiences, and find peace within myself.

Saturn falls and The Lord of Gain arrives.

In a recent vivid dream I was driving home from a vague location of strange interactions and I saw what looked like a meteor sized version of Saturn crash to earth and light up the landscape. The moment was filled with deja vu thinking I'd seen it twice before. Then a familiar pattern of light emerged in the sky. I recognized it from the Thoth Tarot Deck, the 9 of disks. At it's simplest the Lord of Gain means what we give is what we get back and hard work paying off.  Saturn "Standing on the perimeter of our personal cosmos it is also considered dark, incapable of receiving or generating much luminosity. The absence of light further defines it as heavy, inclined to fall or weigh down - gravity and grave are two words that respond directly to its essentially serious, ponderous and somber nature. " -source

I feel almost in awe of the impact of this vision. It's exactly the change from serious and careful labor to a payoff of that effort that I've been hoping to see in my life. It's time to make each day count, to have fun and excitement living the dream. It might not be smooth sailing from here on out, but it will be a grand adventure.