My favorite songs from Ani have been getting me through the day today, mostly because the way I feel when I sing along. All the anxiety and spinning from within today must be from a need to move, to exert energy and keep it flowing. The poetry hits the right spot when it rings true.
"They could call me crazy if I fail
all the chance that I need
is one in a million they could call me brilliant
if I succeed."- Swan Dive
"we are all poly-lingual
but some of us pretend
there's virtue in relying
on not trying to understand
we're all citizens of the womb
before we subdivide
into sexes and shades
this side
that side" - Work your way out.
In recent days these anxieties and overwhelming energies feel like I'm caught in the center of a storm and I'm trying to find the calm eye at the center to stand firm in. It reminds me of a talk I was listening to by Terrence McKenna where he said that Shamans would re-direct a tornado away from the town by eating the hucha of the tornado. This was an act of empathy with the heavy energy that dwelt within the storm, it could also be described as the shadow or the subconscious.
A storm exists within and around me, perhaps I'm just feeling a chaotic state in my toroidal field, I've known for a time that I am in a transition. It feels like the anxiety is tearing it's way out of me from the inside, breaking open the cacoon of protective numbness that kept me sane in the rough days that have now past. In a way I'm breaking free, evolving, re-distributing order through chaos. It's time to return to living on the edge, to making progress and change rather then stagnating.
All the same, I feel sick, I need my insides to become my outsides and vomit forth art and meaning. The path of divination from source through this body has been clogged for so long, it's going to get ruthlessly distorted and mad before it runs clear and I'm going to do things that are bad before I get near, to the metaphor, to the edge, to the place where things are interesting and revolving, never to settle, never to be done.
