Last night I dreamed all my things were stolen out of my car. My car contains my entire life. Everything that isn't my personal being. I was devestated, it would take years to replace all those things, so much time and work. Life without it all so empty and difficult. I felt stripped of my being.
In reflecting on this dream I realized it was my mind working through the loss of my best friend. The one person I always want to share my joys and sorrows with, even when we were out of touch. I was once attached to them romantically and the loss of them in my life forced me to work on myself, on the PTSD I suffered from. To become a practitioner of process, to accept the possibility of a life alone, to seek enlightenment and inner peace. It took me years to find stability and when they came back in my life I wanted it to just be friends, to have no reason for them to shut me out again.
Yet the gravity between us didn't make it easy and they decided to do just that. I wonder what I could have done differently. Just as in my dream I wondered if I should have parked elsewhere or if I forgot to lock the door. In both the dream and now in waking life I have to accept the loss, accept the lesson to be more present and aware in the future. There is no replacing what's lost but in time I can fill my life again, because no matter what or who is no longer there for me, I'm still here, I'm still breathing, I can still seek the joys of learning, gaining experiences, and find peace within myself.
In reflecting on this dream I realized it was my mind working through the loss of my best friend. The one person I always want to share my joys and sorrows with, even when we were out of touch. I was once attached to them romantically and the loss of them in my life forced me to work on myself, on the PTSD I suffered from. To become a practitioner of process, to accept the possibility of a life alone, to seek enlightenment and inner peace. It took me years to find stability and when they came back in my life I wanted it to just be friends, to have no reason for them to shut me out again.
Yet the gravity between us didn't make it easy and they decided to do just that. I wonder what I could have done differently. Just as in my dream I wondered if I should have parked elsewhere or if I forgot to lock the door. In both the dream and now in waking life I have to accept the loss, accept the lesson to be more present and aware in the future. There is no replacing what's lost but in time I can fill my life again, because no matter what or who is no longer there for me, I'm still here, I'm still breathing, I can still seek the joys of learning, gaining experiences, and find peace within myself.
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