Oh baby I'm back

After months of frustration, trying to let go of recent transgressions, misunderstandings, triggers and mishandling of myself I reached a coalescence of insanity.  Feeling like I was at my breaking point I found myself trying to talk to anyone and everyone again, each time I thought how silly it was to talk to anyone who didn't really care.  It's rough when few people do. Then I decided to finally just write to the people who judged me, misunderstood me, treated me poorly and triggered me. Not in any way that they'd actually get it, but I let it all out.  All the ways they made me feel, all the misrepresentations they made about me, all the frustrations that I had tried time and time again to release.  Usually sitting by the water allows me to flow with the energy of life and leave all that happened in the past in the past, yet the cold of winter and decline of my health made it difficult to visit any body of water.  A quick plane trip to a sunny beach for a couple days almost got me there.  I was able to return to my body with that trip, relieve the disassociation that had occurred. Yet something lingered, and festered upon my return. Tied to the fear of being treated this way all the time by everyone. My journal fell apart, and has yet to be replaced for a couple months now and although I found outlet here once or twice the lack of writing was keeping me in a loop. I finally broke it.  Finally. Let it all out, said all the things, now I feel relieved, and free.   I took myself out to dinner and ate something special.  It's going to be all self care and joy from within from now on.  The goals that have carried me through these rough times are still on track, and now that I'm feeling level I can get back to the learning and research that I love so much!