I gave up on trying to heal the failed friendship with the person who triggered me quite a bit. I got a membership at a new gym even though I haven't gone a lot. I have managed to take a walk every weekend even though I don't make it very far. I listen to talks on youtube to bootstrap meditative thought on things I used to focus on before the rumination and regret took hold. I just often feel on edge. PTSD comes with a tendency to feel hyper vigilant always on alert for attack. People will do things that freak me out and won't understand why I am asking them to not do it or give me space. I just look like a crazy person or they project their own assumptions onto why I am upset which are always some stupid drama bullshit I don't participate in. It's really hard to find anyone to understand. The silver lining I keep trying to tell myself is that in crisis you find out who your real friends are. The ones who will stay with you even if you are acting like a basket case.
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