Mostly when I drink too much and I'm smoking too much kush...

I don't want to let this heartache go
It serves to remind me of how I feel about you
Emotion wasn't allowed in my heart for so long
It started to feel like an empty room.
If I try to imagine moving forward with someone new
I realize I'm still hung up on you
& I don't know them well enough too
That could be me from your point of view
We could both be trying to grow
Break free from what we think we know
Still I must thank you my friend
For teaching me how to love again.
I recognize and honor all that is true
Beyond the veil we are one not two
I'm no longer afraid to be the one for you
Nor to face the possibility that might not be true
I feel like I need to write a letter I will never send
Unrequited love really is bittersweet in the end.

Que sera sera

So much static in my head
So many words left unsaid
I'm trying to tune in
I focus on your grin
No choice but to smile wide
Your eyes light me up inside
I'm not sure why I'm content in chaos
Could you live on the edge with me?
Everything dissolves around us
Whatever will be, will be.

Differentially

Trapped in a cube, struggling to break free
I must learn the patterns that are binding me
I am and so I see, daring to peer beyond reality
The sound of dimensions beyond are penetrating
I scan the horizon for all possible possibilities
Each step a choice, fulfilling my destiny

Looking inward for guidance I find infinity
I invoke and dream awake a holographic identity
A little bit hippie and a little bit witchy
Adaptability that can progress indefinitely
My bags stay packed as if to flee
Yet it is the call of adventure that moves me

Dare to dream, to breathe, to be
Make every move and speak every word intentionally
Let's wake each other from this drudgery
Of the begrudgingly dull and conditioned society
It's not just me, I know it can't be
Ignite the fire, create a revelation so all an see.

Embrace the pain

"Insight Meditation teacher and psychologist Tara Brach (link is external)suggests that when we are locked in anger, taking offense over something said or done, making judgments, or fuming over how we were treated, we add to our own reservoir of suffering. An event + our reaction = suffering. When we’re able to be present with our feelings, and inquire why we’re experiencing such a strong reaction and what our feelings tell us about ourselves, that’s a learning opportunity. An event + inquiry + presence = growth. Center your thoughts on growth."  -https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-last-best-cure/201405/15-ways-get-someone-out-your-head

This passage helped me to make sense of why I found peace within the chaos of mosh pits, why I processed pain, aggression, agony, despair and other depressing experiences through art and came out feeling like my tortured soul was meant to be burdened with feeling things so strongly.  Being present in my rage (or whatever I may have been feeling or going through) allowed me to burn it out, use it up, stew my sorrows and feast upon them. Use the emotions as fuel for the fire of my artistic drive.

The Eyes Have it.

I didn't know you didn't want to know.

The spiritual turbulence in these paradigm shifting days
Has me embracing change in many ways
While destroying the pain and habits of the past I know
I forgot to flow and fought the undertow
Igniting so much chaos, I cannot remain steadfast in this
There is no way to orientate oneself in the abyss
Trying to do things differently
Didn't work out so well for me
The silver lining is a needle of truth in a haystack of pain
How people are and how I perceive them are often not the same
Time to dig deeper and seek out the visions
Which inspire me to create elaborate manifestations
Time to live the dream and figure out what I really need
To break up the foundation of what came before and plant the seed
... of what is to be.

Delirious Daydreams

I'm not sure if I'm living in a daydream
Or if a daydream is living in me
What is yet to be, has yet to be, and cannot be seen
Blind in my faith, bound in my intuition
I strive forward with emotional vision
Letting the flow of the universe make my decision
Somehow, somewhere inside, I know what I seek
The Gnosis of delirium reaching it's peak
Entering a new paradigm, unveiling it's mystique
Embracing chaos and riding the storm
Laughing and dancing as the clouds take form
Creating elements of change with which I adorn
This body, an illusion, built in a hologram
These veins and intestines aren't all that I am
From source, light and stardust is where we began