Volunteering for Healing

I often read that trauma recovery is a process, I think I've even reiterated it before. We struggle, we fail, we struggle, we prevail, then maybe fail again, prevail again.  The weight of many stressors and strains can lead to being overwhelmed.  It seems to take less for the anxious and traumatized, but that's nothing to be ashamed of.  As long as you find the right support.  The true friends and family that are always there to answer a text, to give you everything from deep insight to generic advice that you know but maybe just needed to hear it. After a brief stint of heavy drinking with people from the past I found myself re-traumatized, I hyper-focused on finding a solid place to stay where before I had enjoyed the nomad life, but a new full time job required stability of full time residence. The environment I moved into was toxic and exacerbated my symptoms. For a brief moment I had regret, horror and turned my focus to finding a new haven, one on my own, the solitude I've so desperately craved for so long. Right now I'm healing from the mental and emotional collapse, it's the most strange and bizarre I've had yet because it comes with a case of mold toxicity and brain fog.  Reading and writing have been a task when they used to be enjoyable activities.  My self identity of quick witted and intelligent feels challenged, so I've decided to treat myself as gently as possible.  I have begun to daydream about the things that matter most to me. To imagine the life I want to lead.  I also have pondered how to get out and meet people again as my last attempt led me down a path of returning to old people, patterns and places.  Last fall my favorite hiking trails were cut off by a widespread fire through the Columbia Gorge. So I signed up to volunteer with all the organizations teamed up for restoration at a fundraising event last fall. Recently the notifications started rolling in. Next month I'll be cleaning up the beach near the Fort my Grandfather was stationed, very excited to return to that site. I'm registered for work crews that are waiting final plans on restoration in the Gorge.  I'm starting to feel the joy of fulfillment blossom in my heart. Like spring overcoming the frost of winter. It's amazing how putting in time and effort toward something that matters can make all the difference.