Can't stop won't stop

Couldn't sleep until it was done.

Saturn falls and The Lord of Gain arrives.

In a recent vivid dream I was driving home from a vague location of strange interactions and I saw what looked like a meteor sized version of Saturn crash to earth and light up the landscape. The moment was filled with deja vu thinking I'd seen it twice before. Then a familiar pattern of light emerged in the sky. I recognized it from the Thoth Tarot Deck, the 9 of disks. At it's simplest the Lord of Gain means what we give is what we get back and hard work paying off.  Saturn "Standing on the perimeter of our personal cosmos it is also considered dark, incapable of receiving or generating much luminosity. The absence of light further defines it as heavy, inclined to fall or weigh down - gravity and grave are two words that respond directly to its essentially serious, ponderous and somber nature. " -source

I feel almost in awe of the impact of this vision. It's exactly the change from serious and careful labor to a payoff of that effort that I've been hoping to see in my life. It's time to make each day count, to have fun and excitement living the dream. It might not be smooth sailing from here on out, but it will be a grand adventure.

If there were another me

I would give myself lots of hugs.
I could see myself from the outside.
I would partner up with myself on projects, sharing the work.
I could make a band of me.
I would always have someone who understands.
I could be there for myself when things were tough.
I would cook for myself while I fixed things around the house.
I could braid my hair easily.
I would go on many adventures.
I could encourage myself to go farther.
I would let myself relax while I did something nice for myself.
I could work twice as fast.
I would treat myself the way I want to be treated.
I could be happier.

I guess to do most of these things. I don't really need another me. I just need to feel free to be myself and embrace others in the knowledge that we are all connected.

To quote or not to quote...

'Conflict breeds creativity', the writers on House sure know something about the human condition. If you want to radically changed the landscape, what better way then a tornado? It's felt like a whirlwind within and without ripping apart the walls inside of which I stagnated during my fall into a state of spiritual sleep. I've known from a young age that 'There is no progress without struggle'. I embraced my madness and using meditation and art I really came into my own. Then tragedy struck, the fall back into this reality of only three dimensions was painful and I had to endure it while my healing began.

More recently I have been metaphorically poking around inside my psyche to break up all of the blocks I developed during those hard times. I began this process after my physical health was finally ready to support it. I then started to feel a drive and passion for making art again.  It has flooded me with feelings, emotions pains, and various sensations and extremes.  Someone once said 'the only way out is through'.  I'm going to have to feel this in order to process it.  Luckily my desire to draw is one of the first things that came back to me when I finally began this self examination. I need to process these experiences in my art as I used to in the past.

I've lived my entire life as a tortured artist. I know pain, I've felt it to its depths where it cracks the foundations of this material illusion and find that it stems from a source that is not feeling or being but knowing. Understanding developed, a higher sense of awareness, I danced through life on the edge of chaos until I crashed downward, now I am ready to begin that dance again.

There is no better time then now, now is the moment to make the right changes for the better. Not just for myself, but for all the children of the Earth. To throw a lessor known quote out there, 'success is only how high you bounce once you hit bottom'... and I'm not done yet.

Veritas et Virtus

"Your Virtue is Nonattachment. When we are present and abiding in our True Nature, we do not cling to anything, inner or outer. What do you need to let go of to experience Nonattachment today"

-Thought for the day emailed to all Enneagram Type 5's from the Enneagram Institute.

What's interesting about this is that prior to reading it I just finished meditating an affirmation that I accept and appreciate whatever kindness and friendship I am given and want not for more or specific interactions. I choose to accept others as they are and choose to not seek to figure people out as Type 5's tend to do.

Today's artistic exercise.

Drawn with random markers/colored pencils/pens

Inspired

Today I came home feeling more like myself then I have in a long time, and I drew this...  ^.^