The journey is a spiral, we revisit mistakes until we learn the lesson.

I've been caught up in cycles of thought, struggling to accept the way things have come to be in spite of a great deal of effort to remain unattached to the outcome of anything. I'm feeling unsure of how to get through this. Except to let the pain burn through me, like a forest fire. Sear away every bit of the emotion that I had let back in.  What was I thinking?  Was I thinking? Like a little too much whisky leading me to fumble and fall, forgetting all the strength I'd been gaining.  Time to put down the 'bottle', back to working on myself.  The mistake was not continuing to focus on myself, slipping back into the old habit of living for someone else.  There is nothing wrong with caring so much, but neglecting myself only leads to an imbalance and moved me far away from my peace, my center, my aware, reflecting and accepting inner light that contrasts the darkness of my suffering and together they make the beautiful contrast of life.  There is no good or bad, no up and down, just foreground and background. I'd like to maintain a lively functioning foreground, the moment of now.  Let all the rest fade into the background.