Today my mother told me I am the one child she can always rely on. It seemed such a strange sentiment from the woman who treated me like an unwanted burden through my entire childhood and youth. I have a deep seated sense of only being able to rely on myself because of it. I struggle to let anyone in or be vulnerable for anyone. Often feeling like at any moment they will tell me to be someone else or be mistreated, to do things a certain way or be neglected. This is my pain, the tragic thread woven through my life to give me reverence for the contrasting joy. Since I know how it feels to be neglected, ignored, abandoned; I refuse to do that to any friends or family. I have a strong sense of honor and dedication for those I care about. Even those who don't do the same for me.
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