Happenstance

Hindsight is 20/20, & some things you can't unsee
History will always repeat, in iterations indefinitely
Hidden in mystery lies truth, unequivocally
Hold fast to meaning for it's fleeting, a priori

I AM THE NEW HUMAN

SLICED, MODIFIED, PIERCED, ENHANCED, ADORNED, UPGRADED 

 Incompatible with the old operating system, ready to break the old patterns and go off script. DECODED MY ENCODING AND REPROGRAMMING MYSELF

I AM THE NEW HUMAN, I AM STRIFE. 

SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. IT'S NOT ENOUGH. 

Stranger days, stranger ways, insanity is upon us. Nothing fits, nothing stays. Digging up decay, to face our own horrors. The psyche breaks like the light of day in a race across the surface of our soul. Temperatures rise, tears fall from the skies, blood from our eyes, tension in our thighs. Here comes change, Like a storm in the mind, there is no radar for this, we must choose to exist. To evolve or spiral out, fade to black. It's not enough to interact, to extract fiction from fact. Growth comes with pain, the truth burns like propane, until the end of days. WE ARE THE WAY 

 THERE MUST BE CHANGE 

FOR STAYING THE SAME IS TO DIE IN VAIN

Reflecting on my early days of the internet.

I first started using the internet at age 10, which was 4 years after it began according to that notice we all got on Facebook today. My parents both worked at small time server companies which used to provide your dial up before the huge monopolizing giants that exist today. I actually remember being 14 and diving into Photoshop, version 2 I think it was, to make what later would be dubbed "memes" a decade later. Of course back then you had to join web rings to get your website viewed by other people. You also had to build the html from scratch yourself. Even funnier was the constant fight over landline, which was the entire households only phone. I was seriously addicted, I couldn't stay off. I would be blocking the phone line all night. My mom became so frustrated that she eventually installed a second line just for the internet. 
These days you can find all sorts of information on a person by their name.  Back then it was easy to hide in the ambiguity of screen names, made one feel safe enough to open up.  I sure blogged up a storm, mostly poetry.  Chat rooms were the highlight of my social life.  Instant messengers like ICQ and yahoo were my connections to the outside world. While the first couple years was all playing games on riddler.com and looking up items of interest I dived into learning html at 12 daydreaming of being a hacker, but not knowing a thing about actual computer code.  Never learned it either.  I ended up becoming an artist instead. 

Purging with words

From the bullshit status quo I've departed
A force to be reckoned with is how I want to be regarded
It's motherfuckers like you that make me cold hearted
Disrespect like yours is how this shit started
Everyday I'm reminded why I don't give a fuck
Not for you, him or her will I ever get stuck
There is only my grind no such thing as luck
Won't stop digging until that nerve is struck
I'll ghost write a hit while you ghost ride your whip
Life is something you do not something you get
Respect is only deserved when it's earned don't forget
I have yet to reach my best you can bet

You will know my name and my gain
Since I'm not afraid of pain or refrain
All the same I'm inflamed
With a rage like propane
How inane the disdain
For those who break the frame
Can't be the same or mundane
I'd rather be insane then lame

The Untouchable Girl

She is the untouchable girl, all mixed up inside her own mind
She is traveling the world, yet love she can't seem to find
Once upon a time she loved so fiercely
Dedicated to those who abused her daily
Now she's afraid to touch or be touched
The idea of falling is just too much
She smiles, works, builds and creates
Inside she wonders if it is just too late
She manifests a brave new world
While feelings seem void to this untouchable girl
She thinks she may be broken or blind
Her receptors for emotion painfully fried
It could be she's just not ready to try
Or there's no one out there feeling her vibe
Yet it's been so long and she has grown so strong
Since the times she was done so wrong
Whatever the reason, whatever the cause
She uses her time alone to take pause
Reflecting on self love, finding the beat
The rhythm of her heart that moves her feet.
She dances with herself letting the song unfurl
Until the right soul collides with this untouchable girl.

Mostly when I drink too much and I'm smoking too much kush...

I don't want to let this heartache go
It serves to remind me of how I feel about you
Emotion wasn't allowed in my heart for so long
It started to feel like an empty room.
If I try to imagine moving forward with someone new
I realize I'm still hung up on you
& I don't know them well enough too
That could be me from your point of view
We could both be trying to grow
Break free from what we think we know
Still I must thank you my friend
For teaching me how to love again.
I recognize and honor all that is true
Beyond the veil we are one not two
I'm no longer afraid to be the one for you
Nor to face the possibility that might not be true
I feel like I need to write a letter I will never send
Unrequited love really is bittersweet in the end.

Que sera sera

So much static in my head
So many words left unsaid
I'm trying to tune in
I focus on your grin
No choice but to smile wide
Your eyes light me up inside
I'm not sure why I'm content in chaos
Could you live on the edge with me?
Everything dissolves around us
Whatever will be, will be.